The Ten Souls: Sagada Trip Reflection

"It is true that those we meet can change us, sometimes so profoundly that we are not the same afterwards, even unto our names."    

                                -Yann Martel, Life of Pi                                                                         

    Yann Martel is right, not just because it's a music to my ears to be called as 'babe' by my nine other babes and that became as one of my endearing names, but more so, because I know I had went through another life-transforming experience. And if there is something that I had decided to value the same as my entirety, then that would be memories that I will cherish forever and memories I would continue to add. 

   Undeniably, all of my travel has been revealing something different or new in me, in others and in this world. But some of my travel could really just change me enormously and personally. Some travel like that of Sagada, Mountain Province which we did last December 21-26, 2012 have really given me something which I could not accurately describe at the moment. How I wish I would come to that moment in which I could finally be authentically free to express how different it has been since then, but just let me put it this way: that it had then brought sense of novelty into my life. And the call for change gets stronger each day as the travel continues and even after I’m already back home. It was so strong that no matter how hard I try to resist it, I just find myself giving in.

I had seen change to be just a latent function of that travel. It is something not intended, something that happened spontaneously and it has been that intense that it had made me ask myself now the tricky questions of ‘what if’s’ and ‘what if I did not.’ But certainly, there has been no moment of that trip to be regretful about. Every moment has just been so precious, so priceless and wonderfully placed that despite lack of financial resources and all the other hassles, it has been very successful and one of the bests I ever had.

In my case and in the case of some who haven’t joined any meeting about that trip too, planning just happened through face book group chat. And I tell you, if there was a venue in which changes has initially been so usual to take place, then in its there. It is in there where dates have been subjected to much change. It is in there where people who will be joining have been subjected to episodes of ambiguities until ten souls become finally all set to go. And I think those moments, no matter how informal they have seem to be, and no matter how it could be such overwhelming to be flooded with unread conversations and other notifications, are actually moments not of coincidences but moments of a beautiful beginnings. One can name that destiny, but I call it life. It was a beginning of something beautiful within, amongst, around, and beyond me and that of the nine other souls.

And days went on along with our busy schedules that the next thing we knew it, we are already about to go. One of my earliest reflections then came on the specifics of ‘getting there.’ We have so many instances for sure, too, in our lives in which we have been so focused on the ‘being there’ with expectations of seeing these or feeling that once you’ll get there, but has actually given less attention on how will you actually reach that destination. We were so excited talking about what we will do and where we will go, but missed agreeing on the efficient way of departing from crowded Manila. Lesson learned the hardest way, I guessed. But to make some anxiety-causing turns in Pedro Gil and to be struck with traffic on the way to the terminal is something not be dreaded at as it did not spoil any piece of exhilaration but just added unto it, and though it had fragmented the souls, the goal of meeting each other on a common ground made the ‘getting there’ just ceremoniously as it could ever be.

Because the conversation has been so limited to gadgets and minds speaking through touches, taps or clicks, it is understandable to have that impulse to be loud inside the bus--where we stayed for almost fourteen hours; to talk among each other in volume other people aside from us can hear--- and in our case, doesn’t want to hear. To be silent therefore, is a big effort but for the sake of respect and all the other elements of being considerate beings, we have to start closing our eyes, and patiently, wait for the right time to speak out again.

Something I had loved in long night trips is that sense of getting somewhere in times of darkness (I think in life, I had some tendency to be an escapist sometimes when I could no longer figure out the way out--- but don't you worry, most of the time i faced them courageously). You could skip the hassles caused by rush-hours, and it’s as if no time is being wasted for you can just get yourself some sleep whether you like it or not. You just got to do something else--- eat, listen to love songs mostly from 80’s or try to practice some deepness you have within by simply thinking. But just like in life, you’ve got to sacrifice something when you choose the other. Just like the views we had passed by unto and then missed. And don’t bother asking me what I had failed to see. Though I did not sleep all the time, there I was spending the rest traveling hours eating, listening to music and all the more---trying to be deeper than I should be, thinking of recurrent thoughts, even though I am tired of thinking. Oh, Sagada, will you change me please?

Yet God has always been so good that even in the darkest moments of your life, He will always give you candles to light your way. Having good company is truly a blessing and they are more than enough to lift up your broken spirit. And if one will develop too, that gift of appreciation, no matter how shattered you feel within, you will be obviously comforted with what’s around. And the next time you open your eyes, after some stop-overs, and series of body-twisting bus turns in what-seemed-to-be-endless cliffs, you’ll be welcomed by a piece of heaven on Earth where mountains were natural sights and the coldness would make you just want to wear four shirts at once.  

What took you so long in finishing Sagada reflection Richelle? I asked myself, and since I could not fool her, I admitted that its when every time I finally sit down to do it (in between of massive paper works of a social worker), and then would try to get more inspiration from the pictures we have in that trip, I found myself enjoying that much in looking at them. And there were more than half a thousand photographs! And each picture speaks more than what it could ever show. Each picture revives some emotions--- emotions which you just love to feel again and again... So, instead of writing, I found myself just looking at each picture and if my eyes and my heart could just do the writing for me, then they could have recorded a lot--- beyond what my time and my words would allow me. 

    For it is not all the time that we can walk as carefree as that, it is not all the time that we can have deepest sharings; it is not all the time that jokes and serious topics synergize; it is not all the time you get to witness  tribal dancing and wish you are brave enough to do it too (or you were pushed by someone else to do it); it is not all the time you hear echoes bouncing  back to you; it is not all the time that you get to watch Twilight movies series after series with friends; it is not all the time that you get to feel that having smaller bills is better than having higher denominations; it is not all the time that you wake up with a cup of coffee ready to warm you; it is not all the time that you have motherly, sisterly and brotherly home-cooked meals; it is not all the time you can go out and pick for vegetables along the way; it is not all the time that you feel so accomplished just because charcoals finally heated up each other; it is not all the time you celebrate Christmas greeting strangers in the streets , looking for coffee and beer; it is not all the time that you talk about love (and pain---but yes, happinesss too); And to writers' come too, a moment in which they couldn't find fitting words to explain the warmth of local people and the connections among the spirits and elements of the earth and beyond (remember our first night ladies in which we slept with thoughts of false-alarm ghosts?) It was the connection which we had witnessed in Lumiang Cave and in Hanging Coffins. Yeah, it is not all the time you have moments like those and you knew that the moment you all return to your respective homes and then take separate lives again, you just don't know when will you have them again. Or will we ever have them again if change will always be there to come into scenes? Then there I was getting that feeling I don't want to feel anymore, but at the same time grateful because it had pushed me out of my dysphoria; then caught distressed again knowing I had put myself in another i-don't-want-to-think-about-that-situation. There was then I, becoming hopeful that if change  would always come across, then let it handle it.Perhaps, feelings will change? Will it? Then I'll just trust memories again to make me happy with recollections, and then ask time again to just heal me when I start feeling pain again. Oh yes, you had changed me Sagada, you did, in ways I never imagine you could... 

The Ten Souls: The Babes

Then we learn about attitude, balance, courage and discipline. We knew we just have to try at least to imprint them in that Sumaguing Cave Experience. Our souls had then discovered all the creativity we possessed as we marveled with the rock formations. It was truly, an ultimate adventure--- something that has given us an intimate relationship with the nature as we grip and even hug rock after rock... And with the emotional and bodily support from amazing friends, we just find ourselves surviving those narrow boulders, rock formations, rappelling down (and even side to side), passing and hopping through the cold waters, crawling and stretching your arms and legs at its most... And when you’ve thought that the limits have been reached, you'll get more the encouragement from fellow cavers and you'll feel the strongest drive within you to make it with them and I know others feel the same way too (or even more)...It was a different feeling to be at the depths of the Earth, yet feeling so high within. You are all over wet outside, your throat so dry, yet your souls feeling so alive. And it made me see now that there's no such term as second time or nth time when you do spelunking. It’s always a new experience and as Arzky, the tour guide said--- we've got to let our imagination work too. That was an exhausting day for sure, but it was all worth it. Something extra-ordinary has been proven in the selves. And the opening prayer of the team just before we got started has been granted by ever-loving God or by Allah or whatever His or Her name is.Then, the team experienced some crash course yet on-the-spot trekking in the hilly terrains of Marlboro Land. When the tour guides had mind-set for a camp, there we were like how most tourists were, just clueless of what’s up next and enjoying that feeling--- and the next thing was that it felt so vibrant to be welcomed by stunning trails and some terraces from afar and hunger can just then became bearable because of the satisfying sight while sitting at the cliff and when its eating time, the taste got even better because its being enjoyed with friends. Conversations are more exciting ---and whether they are done while sitting in sands or in front of the falls, or inside a jeepney, they are all enriching. We are the atoms. We are in the process of becoming phenomenologists each day...

Yann Martel is right (as well as the other writers, philosophers and theorists, and our learning partners and mentors in ASI who said the same thing). We are not exactly the same after being through with experiences where we truly engaged ourselves. And for me, life is truly experienced when we deal with change not in the same manner all the time but instead we’ve got to use a mixture of several approaches like becoming critical at times to it, or somehow resistant, or perhaps all-embracing based on the context; for as long as you are not afraid to really live, then its life that you will get. There have been beautiful friendships that were formed. I have witnessed how we had evolved from simply being classmates, or acquaintance, or just-having-a-common-friend towards becoming buddies, siblings and friends---friends to the truest sense of the word. We are so diverse in many terms and we don’t agree on everything---and there have been some clashes that occurred---but the friendship has just been so beautiful that you will not be bothered that much by little tensions knowing that its just part of the dynamics of any group and then you can never place any doubt to these souls--- who like you, value life, peace and love more than anything else... 

    So now awesome souls, my babes, where are we entrusting our next life-changing experience?