Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Emotions


Asian Festival, February 21, 2013, Asian Social Institute, Malate, Manila


Some emotions are like this;
You may stand at the entrance of the door---
Waiting…
You may grin, you were dressed
And the table’s been set…
But it won’t guarantee you that all people coming
Would arrive to you ceremoniously…

Someone might just come along,
And then you felt so strange
And though you are confused,
You care not of having the name put into records or in pictures
You just knew that every bit of each moment---
Has been registered in the heart.

Indeed, some emotions are like that,
You could smile but then cry at the same time…
You laugh but you are anxious of tears…
But you still lived on,
Letting the door go through several opening and closing
And oh, there’s that glow in your eyes,
But you know there’s pain too…
So I guess, some emotions are really like this…
Some emotions are not fleeting.
Some emotions such as this, are undeniable.
 

Friday, February 22, 2013

The Grass

Renewal comes not only inside the chapel of the beautiful and soul-comforting Caleruega, but also at the picnic grounds, where the grass lies...


Thursday, February 7, 2013

My Angels

Passage Camp: Art and Sports Therapy Project
Marco Polo Care Center, Virlanie Foundation Inc.
                     
You are my angels,
I love hearing your innocent voices…
I love putting you into sleep in your beds,
And then waking up, wondering how you reached my bed
Hugging me all over,
And then seeing your eyes still closed
I'll just let you stay beside me.

But I love you my angels
And I might get mad at times,
Or talk to you as loud as I could---
Yet know it was never anger towards you as who you are
Know that I’ve done that because I want to guide you
And I want all the best for you.

My little angels
I may had taught you about this, and that,
But you’ve actually taught me more…
You all have taught me what hope really is,
And you are teaching me more about life,
You are teaching me all about love. 

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

The Ten Souls: Sagada Trip Reflection

"It is true that those we meet can change us, sometimes so profoundly that we are not the same afterwards, even unto our names."    

                                -Yann Martel, Life of Pi                                                                         

    Yann Martel is right, not just because it's a music to my ears to be called as 'babe' by my nine other babes and that became as one of my endearing names, but more so, because I know I had went through another life-transforming experience. And if there is something that I had decided to value the same as my entirety, then that would be memories that I will cherish forever and memories I would continue to add. 

   Undeniably, all of my travel has been revealing something different or new in me, in others and in this world. But some of my travel could really just change me enormously and personally. Some travel like that of Sagada, Mountain Province which we did last December 21-26, 2012 have really given me something which I could not accurately describe at the moment. How I wish I would come to that moment in which I could finally be authentically free to express how different it has been since then, but just let me put it this way: that it had then brought sense of novelty into my life. And the call for change gets stronger each day as the travel continues and even after I’m already back home. It was so strong that no matter how hard I try to resist it, I just find myself giving in.

I had seen change to be just a latent function of that travel. It is something not intended, something that happened spontaneously and it has been that intense that it had made me ask myself now the tricky questions of ‘what if’s’ and ‘what if I did not.’ But certainly, there has been no moment of that trip to be regretful about. Every moment has just been so precious, so priceless and wonderfully placed that despite lack of financial resources and all the other hassles, it has been very successful and one of the bests I ever had.

In my case and in the case of some who haven’t joined any meeting about that trip too, planning just happened through face book group chat. And I tell you, if there was a venue in which changes has initially been so usual to take place, then in its there. It is in there where dates have been subjected to much change. It is in there where people who will be joining have been subjected to episodes of ambiguities until ten souls become finally all set to go. And I think those moments, no matter how informal they have seem to be, and no matter how it could be such overwhelming to be flooded with unread conversations and other notifications, are actually moments not of coincidences but moments of a beautiful beginnings. One can name that destiny, but I call it life. It was a beginning of something beautiful within, amongst, around, and beyond me and that of the nine other souls.

And days went on along with our busy schedules that the next thing we knew it, we are already about to go. One of my earliest reflections then came on the specifics of ‘getting there.’ We have so many instances for sure, too, in our lives in which we have been so focused on the ‘being there’ with expectations of seeing these or feeling that once you’ll get there, but has actually given less attention on how will you actually reach that destination. We were so excited talking about what we will do and where we will go, but missed agreeing on the efficient way of departing from crowded Manila. Lesson learned the hardest way, I guessed. But to make some anxiety-causing turns in Pedro Gil and to be struck with traffic on the way to the terminal is something not be dreaded at as it did not spoil any piece of exhilaration but just added unto it, and though it had fragmented the souls, the goal of meeting each other on a common ground made the ‘getting there’ just ceremoniously as it could ever be.

Because the conversation has been so limited to gadgets and minds speaking through touches, taps or clicks, it is understandable to have that impulse to be loud inside the bus--where we stayed for almost fourteen hours; to talk among each other in volume other people aside from us can hear--- and in our case, doesn’t want to hear. To be silent therefore, is a big effort but for the sake of respect and all the other elements of being considerate beings, we have to start closing our eyes, and patiently, wait for the right time to speak out again.

Something I had loved in long night trips is that sense of getting somewhere in times of darkness (I think in life, I had some tendency to be an escapist sometimes when I could no longer figure out the way out--- but don't you worry, most of the time i faced them courageously). You could skip the hassles caused by rush-hours, and it’s as if no time is being wasted for you can just get yourself some sleep whether you like it or not. You just got to do something else--- eat, listen to love songs mostly from 80’s or try to practice some deepness you have within by simply thinking. But just like in life, you’ve got to sacrifice something when you choose the other. Just like the views we had passed by unto and then missed. And don’t bother asking me what I had failed to see. Though I did not sleep all the time, there I was spending the rest traveling hours eating, listening to music and all the more---trying to be deeper than I should be, thinking of recurrent thoughts, even though I am tired of thinking. Oh, Sagada, will you change me please?

Yet God has always been so good that even in the darkest moments of your life, He will always give you candles to light your way. Having good company is truly a blessing and they are more than enough to lift up your broken spirit. And if one will develop too, that gift of appreciation, no matter how shattered you feel within, you will be obviously comforted with what’s around. And the next time you open your eyes, after some stop-overs, and series of body-twisting bus turns in what-seemed-to-be-endless cliffs, you’ll be welcomed by a piece of heaven on Earth where mountains were natural sights and the coldness would make you just want to wear four shirts at once.  

What took you so long in finishing Sagada reflection Richelle? I asked myself, and since I could not fool her, I admitted that its when every time I finally sit down to do it (in between of massive paper works of a social worker), and then would try to get more inspiration from the pictures we have in that trip, I found myself enjoying that much in looking at them. And there were more than half a thousand photographs! And each picture speaks more than what it could ever show. Each picture revives some emotions--- emotions which you just love to feel again and again... So, instead of writing, I found myself just looking at each picture and if my eyes and my heart could just do the writing for me, then they could have recorded a lot--- beyond what my time and my words would allow me. 

    For it is not all the time that we can walk as carefree as that, it is not all the time that we can have deepest sharings; it is not all the time that jokes and serious topics synergize; it is not all the time you get to witness  tribal dancing and wish you are brave enough to do it too (or you were pushed by someone else to do it); it is not all the time you hear echoes bouncing  back to you; it is not all the time that you get to watch Twilight movies series after series with friends; it is not all the time that you get to feel that having smaller bills is better than having higher denominations; it is not all the time that you wake up with a cup of coffee ready to warm you; it is not all the time that you have motherly, sisterly and brotherly home-cooked meals; it is not all the time you can go out and pick for vegetables along the way; it is not all the time that you feel so accomplished just because charcoals finally heated up each other; it is not all the time you celebrate Christmas greeting strangers in the streets , looking for coffee and beer; it is not all the time that you talk about love (and pain---but yes, happinesss too); And to writers' come too, a moment in which they couldn't find fitting words to explain the warmth of local people and the connections among the spirits and elements of the earth and beyond (remember our first night ladies in which we slept with thoughts of false-alarm ghosts?) It was the connection which we had witnessed in Lumiang Cave and in Hanging Coffins. Yeah, it is not all the time you have moments like those and you knew that the moment you all return to your respective homes and then take separate lives again, you just don't know when will you have them again. Or will we ever have them again if change will always be there to come into scenes? Then there I was getting that feeling I don't want to feel anymore, but at the same time grateful because it had pushed me out of my dysphoria; then caught distressed again knowing I had put myself in another i-don't-want-to-think-about-that-situation. There was then I, becoming hopeful that if change  would always come across, then let it handle it.Perhaps, feelings will change? Will it? Then I'll just trust memories again to make me happy with recollections, and then ask time again to just heal me when I start feeling pain again. Oh yes, you had changed me Sagada, you did, in ways I never imagine you could... 
The Ten Souls: The Babes


Then we learn about attitude, balance, courage and discipline. We knew we just have to try at least to imprint them in that Sumaguing Cave Experience. Our souls had then discovered all the creativity we possessed as we marveled with the rock formations. It was truly, an ultimate adventure--- something that has given us an intimate relationship with the nature as we grip and even hug rock after rock... And with the emotional and bodily support from amazing friends, we just find ourselves surviving those narrow boulders, rock formations, rappelling down (and even side to side), passing and hopping through the cold waters, crawling and stretching your arms and legs at its most... And when you’ve thought that the limits have been reached, you'll get more the encouragement from fellow cavers and you'll feel the strongest drive within you to make it with them and I know others feel the same way too (or even more)...It was a different feeling to be at the depths of the Earth, yet feeling so high within. You are all over wet outside, your throat so dry, yet your souls feeling so alive. And it made me see now that there's no such term as second time or nth time when you do spelunking. It’s always a new experience and as Arzky, the tour guide said--- we've got to let our imagination work too. That was an exhausting day for sure, but it was all worth it. Something extra-ordinary has been proven in the selves. And the opening prayer of the team just before we got started has been granted by ever-loving God or by Allah or whatever His or Her name is.Then, the team experienced some crash course yet on-the-spot trekking in the hilly terrains of Marlboro Land. When the tour guides had mind-set for a camp, there we were like how most tourists were, just clueless of what’s up next and enjoying that feeling--- and the next thing was that it felt so vibrant to be welcomed by stunning trails and some terraces from afar and hunger can just then became bearable because of the satisfying sight while sitting at the cliff and when its eating time, the taste got even better because its being enjoyed with friends. Conversations are more exciting ---and whether they are done while sitting in sands or in front of the falls, or inside a jeepney, they are all enriching. We are the atoms. We are in the process of becoming phenomenologists each day...

Yann Martel is right (as well as the other writers, philosophers and theorists, and our learning partners and mentors in ASI who said the same thing). We are not exactly the same after being through with experiences where we truly engaged ourselves. And for me, life is truly experienced when we deal with change not in the same manner all the time but instead we’ve got to use a mixture of several approaches like becoming critical at times to it, or somehow resistant, or perhaps all-embracing based on the context; for as long as you are not afraid to really live, then its life that you will get. There have been beautiful friendships that were formed. I have witnessed how we had evolved from simply being classmates, or acquaintance, or just-having-a-common-friend towards becoming buddies, siblings and friends---friends to the truest sense of the word. We are so diverse in many terms and we don’t agree on everything---and there have been some clashes that occurred---but the friendship has just been so beautiful that you will not be bothered that much by little tensions knowing that its just part of the dynamics of any group and then you can never place any doubt to these souls--- who like you, value life, peace and love more than anything else... 
    So now awesome souls, my babes, where are we entrusting our next life-changing experience? 
      

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Blessed Are We



                                                          with Drop-in Center Children
                                                             November Bonding Time


And all these kids are going to grow up someday. And they will be going to do the things that we do and even starting some now, or will even be doing things which we are only dreaming of. And every time they teach each other what’s good for them, share blessings to one another and show concern just like how brothers and sisters do, they are making me feel so much. 


                                                                   Simbang Gabi 2012

For me, the people comprising our homes are really blessed people on earth. It is a blessing from God to be a witness of the first moments they had learned how to write their names, or the first time they had known their true names, or the first time that had eaten a complete meal, or the first time they slept in bed. It is a blessing to be part of their stories each day and to see them grow. It is a blessing to help them feel what it is meant to have a family and a home--- and it is not something we can do just for a day. And in the same way there is always hope and a promise for their future, the family and its homes all have a future too, a future brighter enough to shine amidst time of temporary darkness. Kids grow but the hearts of the family and the homes will never become old and weary.



Paradise Only from God

     It's something beyond the more than three hours walk in the challenging trails towards the famous Mayon Volcano... This is beyond building the tent or having reached the part that would give you that sense of achievement. It is feeling the coldness of the Earth while you were sleeping, with the moon as the source of light and the vibrant sounds of the wind and the insects as the lullabies... Yes, it’s about finding the heart of the nature, and having the heart for the nature. You climb with the goal you never forgot despite not having the right shield for your feet, despite getting bruises from the bushes and giant ferns, despite the thirst that would seem to come to you kilometers by kilometers. Yes, it’s about sharing that goal with the rest of the team. The harder and riskier the course, the more you stick with and for each other. You wait for each other, you search for those who get lost, you help those who need a hand, you smile while you cook or get the water from afar, you carry down the trashes because the climb is not about you after all, and then you reflect and wish that the next generation can still experience the awe of feeling so close to heaven and the joy in wiping your sweat you know you will always be happy to remember. If everyday, all of us will think such way and be more loving and caring to this paradise only from God, then this world will be a lot more different! If it would be that way, then day after day, there would be many people healing their lonely hearts...
   The Team: November 3-4, 2012 Mayon Volcano Trekking and Camping

Saturday, February 2, 2013

A Love Story

(Written on June 30, 2012)


This is a love story, my own love story and I am writing this on a very significant day of my life. Today, marks a year after I took the board exam for social workers. Thus, writing this account came in a perfect timing. This is truly a good venue for me to reflect what had transpired after a year.  This is also a good venue to look back on the experiences acquired and lessons learned in the past years that had made me appreciate more the profession I had chosen: social work. 

 I was born on January 20, 1991 in Bacolod City, Negros Occidental.  I came from a poor family and both of my parents did not finished schooling. We cannot even afford to buy all our needs and we have not enjoyed the comfort in life. There are so many things and experiences that were denied to me and to us. But the reasons that made me feel powerless are the same reasons that made me feel capable enough. Those reasons inspired me to exert more efforts and to value whatever I have within my reach. I could not just worry about myself but also for my family. I became aware that sometimes my mother cannot stay with us for weeks because she has to work as a farmer in the distant mountains; that there would really be tough times when my father cannot bring home even a single peso and that empty pots and plates were true. So that was what poverty means- no new clothes, no allowance, and no electricity. Yet going to school penniless or studying for tomorrow’s examination under the street posts outside the convenience of our house (because we haven’t pay the bills) were not reason to take the wrong road. I know that my situation was not the worst on Earth. The saddest day of my life came when I was fifteen years old. My father died. I was filled with fears and regrets. The future even turned more unclear. But I have to move on.


                                      At the right side is me, being carried by my mother

My future becomes uncertain because even though my schooling was fine, a scholarship would still not guarantee an easy college life for me. While most of my classmates were full of dreams and plans, there was I, unsure of everything. What course will I take up? Who will finance for me? Then, it was time for Him to work out His plans. I remembered praying that night nine days after my graduation. I could not find for exact words to say because in the first place, I don’t know what I’m exactly asking for. That was my last night home for God will be opening a new door for me and things will never be the same again. I was helped by the Calvary Chapel Children’s Home, an NGO in Bacolod City with a residential home catering to more than 150 children with various needs and coming from different backgrounds. It was in there that I had that there is a course known as social work. I stayed there for almost seven months. Then, during the second semester until I graduated in college I stayed with the Tertiary Capuchin Sisters of the Holy Family Home. The nuns were also mostly social workers.

In my college graduation speech, I remember saying, “In my life, I had experienced staying in several houses, asking the help of so many people for a shelter, before finding a true home with the sisters. If I stopped along the way, just because somebody discouraged or misjudged me or just because all I had was three pesos in my pocket or just because I did not had school shoes to wear, then I had not given justice to the life that has been extended. Don’t give up and be easily shaken because there are so many more in life that are not yet revealed to you- things, events, people and feelings you will only attain, experience, meet and feel if and only if, you will survive what you are handling now…”

I felt a need to look back on few memories of my still young life before I’ll be able to reflect on my social work experience now because I think such will inspire me more and convince me that events in my life is really leading me to become a social worker. I remember during our graduation a line I heard which may not be written this way but spoke of a similar message. It says, “embrace your profession, the profession you have worked hard for several years, the profession you have fought for and will live for, the profession you will you die for.” Such words were so strong, so powerful and so passionate: just like love. This leads me into a realization.  The moment we began to feel that we wanted to spend our time and our talents in knowing more about our profession and in acquiring skills so that we know how to practice it better, we do so not because we have to but because we have already fallen in love with it. Our profession becomes our vocation. It is not just like love anymore, it is already love. It is love in its truest form.



The instrument that social workers used a lot are our own selves and so we must be aware of who we are and what process we are going through so that we will be able to help more our clients.  When I started working in Coalition Against Trafficking in Women-Asia Pacific, I was remembering the passion of my fellow youth especially young women in pursuing their limitless dreams. I was remembering the vast number of the youth especially those coming from the poor provinces that are pushed to take the risks of leaving their hometowns in search for a better future for themselves and their family. Until now, I am remembering how the dire economic situation of our country obliged them to start working young or to give up their schooling. I am remembering how many of them were deceived by traffickers who take advantage of their vulnerability--- how many of them find themselves trapped into modern forms of human slavery, of forced labor, of debt bondage, of prostitution.

I am also remembering how the systems of patriarchy, of the concepts that men should use women, of inequality and commoditization of women’s body have continuously victimized us and made us more exposed to trafficking and all forms of exploitation that goes with it. Those systems are huge and have penetrated our lives for so long. Those systems are our enemies and so we must battle against them if we want to win our fight against trafficking. I had fallen in love in pursuing our advocacy, but just like many other love stories, it was not also a swift journey. My love too, has been put into so many tests and challenges. I tried to hold on. I had been trying to change myself so fast in the process, but I had to save myself too for I felt falling apart, and so I eventually let go after almost eight months.

Presently, I'm in Virlanie Foundation, a non-government organization helping street children. I am grateful to God because of the opportunity to be able to help many children as they build their dreams and create memories that they will remember until old age. In deciding where to apply, my priority is to choose the one where I will have someone to supervise me. Though my salary now is far from the salary I’m receiving before, I can really feel that I am happy, that I am making an impact. Well, it made me realize that this is not about the money or the position. This is about feeling dignified and valued. I am glad to have a supervisor who encourages me and guides me as I continue to learn. I am glad because I can openly raise my concerns to her without being nervous.

Every person has an inherent power that may be characterized as life force, transformational capacity, life, energy, spirituality, regenerative potential and healing power.  The act of empowering re-awakens or stimulates someone’s own natural power.   This is one of the essential assumptions in the strength perspective in social work. It is also from that perspective in which I had seen myself as a young social work practitioner. In the process of empowering others, that is waking up their dreams, inspiring them to pursue such dreams and to decide to work hard for those dreams, my own power is also being stimulated. My dreams are also awaken, my energy also being stirred. Such power is sustained because it does not come from me personally. It is sustained because it comes from God. Social work is responding to God’s invitation to be a light to others. It is a power that gives and heals because it comes from God who gives and heals. Thanks be to God for a very fruitful first year as a practitioner! I know He will continue to be there in the years to come as I continue to journey in this vocation I had fallen in love with. I know this love is meant to endure and triumph...